Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
he had hair everywhere except his balls
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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