I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
you had me at cake vodka
You made out with two different species that night
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
