Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's shark week go big or go home
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
