Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
