I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
