you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
