My girlfriend figured out who you are.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he told me I talked like a deaf person
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
