goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Randomize
