I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
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