i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
