I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
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Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
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How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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