dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
