So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
