There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize