Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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