New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
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Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
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He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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