did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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