I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
