I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Randomize
