i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
