Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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