Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Every concussion has its silver lining
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
