her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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