Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
