plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
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The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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