You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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