pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
