I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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