He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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