You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
