Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
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