: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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