Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
