I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Randomize
