As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
