mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
