You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
