walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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