I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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