Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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