We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Drake has all the answers
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
