How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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