Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
