I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
