it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
