It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
