I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize