I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
