therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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