he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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