I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
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of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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