$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
