.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
