do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
