When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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