Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
