she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
