well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
