i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
