My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Randomize
