My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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