Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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