I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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