On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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