we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
