wrigley field is MILF paradise
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
