we have pet lesbian snakes
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
