i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
