There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
