I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
