ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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